The Evil Empire is recruiting!

[semmern]

As head of the Quality and Assurance Department of the 1st IED of the Evil Empire, my job is to assure the smooth sailing of all our operations here in the Empire. Today I'm going to give YOU the chance to join us. One of the Empire's main tasks is research on behalf of humankind. Our research division is continuously improving the lives of people all over the galaxy. "The galaxy?" you say. You heard me right! We have managed to contact several alien life forms on faraway planets, and, cunning as we are, we have been able to implement their technology in machines you use every day. You might not notice it, but it's there! Have you, for example, washed your socks lately? Then you will surely have noticed that the ratio of socks disappearing from your washing machine in the usual manner, which is one from each pair, is drastically reduced? This is thanks to us and the Annoying Events Remover we obtained from the people of the planet Fukkoff in the Arrse Minor system.

I could go on for hours about our other significant contributions to mankind, but that would be pointless. The best way to experience the power and glory of the Empire is to join it. It will lift your life to levels you previously thought unimaginable. Take me as an example. Prior to joining the Empire, I was a simple mercenary. The pay was bad, the jobs were sometimes risky to the point of extremity, and the ethics of getting paid to hunt down innocent people are quite questionable. My final mission as a mercenary was, believe it or not, attacking the Evil Empire. Yes, that's right. I flat out assaulted them. Now, I was a damn good mercenary if I may say so, and I very nearly succeeded. But then the Empire's minions finally managed to overpower me, and I was captured. It was then that I realised that the Evil Empire, despite its name, treats all people with the utmost respect. Even I, who came damn close to wiping it out, was treated very nice. They hardly tortured me at all, and I even got a prosthetic skull made of carbon fibre after they caved in my original one with a titanium baseball bat. Is that compassion and care, or what??

I hope you will consider joining the greatest Empire ever to see the light of day after reading this. The wages are great, the pension plans are top-notch, there's free healthcare for all minions, and you get to pick your own company car (as long as it's a T-Ford, and it can be any colour you like as long as it's black).

Join the Evil Empire today. We mean almost no harm.

[Wipsnake]

be warned!!!! i'm a jedi night, a defender of the universe. Them empire will soon be destroyed. recruiting will not help you. kick your ass i will! :evils: hmmm.

[Spyder-F16]

So far, we've reached Uranus, and we want to reach Urectum.

[CoolHand20TH]

Urectum?...i thought we were going even farther then that..

As far as Wipsnake goes..i see we have a new enemy...UBER and Rabbit...we will take care of this infindel

[LaWMaN]

Urectum?...i thought we were going even farther then that..

As far as Wipsnake goes..i see we have a new enemy...UBER and Rabbit...we will take care of this infindel "Cloak off" your enemy's are my allies "Wipsnake" sending you the new cloaking device I have been working on. Thanks to the alien Predators, they are not happy about the Evil Empire stealing there technology and trying to take over The galaxy. "Cloak on"

[Uber_Olafsun]

"Cloak off" your enemy's are my allies "Wipsnake" sending you the new cloaking device I have been working on. Thanks to the alien Predators, they are not happy about the Evil Empire stealing there technology and trying to take over The galaxy. "Cloak on"




Uber starts praying that the cloaking unit starts to cloak smells as well. LaWMan when was the last time you had that thing cleaned?

[LaWMaN]

Uber starts praying that the cloaking unit starts to cloak smells as well. LaWMan when was the last time you had that thing cleaned?All cloaking units are cleaned in house by the QC special unit they also do socks and jocks and the odd bra's and pantys. We are also supplying new clocking units for SG1 Stargate Command now the Governments has opened up the contracts.

[Rabbit52]

As far as Wipsnake goes..i see we have a new enemy...UBER and Rabbit...we will take care of this infindel


resistance is futile :evils: ..... Muahahahaha !!

**** Transmitted in Evil code to Coolhand****

Rgr that, ... Wipsnake is now being tracked for counter and/or offensive actions. Also, any cloaking technology used by him will be added to the list of "cloaking signatures" in the Empire's targeting data base.
(just like LaWMan's cloaking signature is tracked) :wink2:

******end of transmission******

[rubberduck]

I see things on the invasion front are moving well, glad to get to the front lines and see how the horde is doing...Rabbit, we have made some enemies....
have them SHOT!!! :evils: muha...MUHAHAHA,.....MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[CoolHand20TH]

I see things on the invasion front are moving well, glad to get to the front lines and see how the horde is doing...Rabbit, we have made some enemies....
have them SHOT!!! :evils: muha...MUHAHAHA,.....MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OUR EVIL LEADER HAS ARRIVED...ALL OF YOU INFINDEL'S ARE IN DEEP TROUBLE NOW!...MUAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

[Buckshot]

Rubber Duck?

http://www.whittier.edu/art/images/Rubber%20Duck%20Regular.gif

He don't look evil to me :tongue:


mwahahahaha

[LaWMaN]

Rubber Duck?

http://www.whittier.edu/art/images/Rubber%20Duck%20Regular.gif

He don't look evil to me :tongue:


mwahahahahaMan that little duck looks soooo cute, I think he needs a new home sniff sniff :bigsmile: Wooooo just saw the head on that thing man thats scary. Just think we had these things bopping around the bath tub when we were kids, sucking water up its butt and squirting the little green plastic armymen off the bath tub ledge :bigeyes:

[Rabbit52]

I see things on the invasion front are moving well, glad to get to the front lines and see how the horde is doing...Rabbit, we have made some enemies....
have them SHOT!!! :evils: muha...MUHAHAHA,.....MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA


As you wish Evil Master, ..... one round of buckshot coming up for the one called "buckshot".

...and it is about time to push the "red button " for the one called "LaWMaN"


*Rabbit enters LaWMaN's cloaking signature into the Empire's fire control system and pushes button.*

http://www.dalitstan.org/journal/images/nuclear2.jpg

:thumb: :clap: :bigsmile:

[LaWMaN]

As you wish Evil Master, ..... one round of buckshot coming up for the one called "buckshot".

...and it is about time to push the "red button " for the one called "LaWMaN"


*Rabbit enters LaWMaN's cloaking signature into the Empire's fire control system and pushes button.*

Cloak OFF "Holy crap what is this" As LaWMaN look through the lens he see a very large cloud of smoke over at http://www.frugalsworld.com/ the HQ of the Evil Empire "They have blown the place up Cloak ON, LaWMaN go's over to see what the fuss is about. He see too Evil minions sitting on a burnt rock talking {minion 1} "poo someone is in it deep" {minion 2} "heck yhea glad its not us" Cloak OFF {LaWMaN} "Ok you too" {minion 1 :bigeyes: } "crap where screwed" {minion 2 :bigeyes: } "holy crap where did he come from" {LaWMaN} "Don't move you little minions, what is going on here" {minions} "where not telling, and we have been trained in anti torture methods so you won't get JACK from us" {LaWMaN} puts a hand in his pocket, {minions :bigeyes: } OK OK JACKS OVER THERE" {LaWMaN} "what happened here" {minion 1} "well a bad tempered leader Rabbit52 was tracking a Lawnman or someone" {minion 2} Yhea he was going to blow him up he he YHEA and and then" {minion 1} "Shut up stoopid, thats not what he was doing you don't know sqidlee". " This is what happened, Rabbit52 was tracking a cloaking thingy" {minion 2} "NO NO thats not what happend dumbass" {LaWMaN} :rolleyes: "OK OK Shut up now you minion 1 tell me what you saw" {minion 1} "I was sitting in the tea room of the Evil Empire having my smoko, Why do they call it a smoko if you don't smoke?.............. Do you know they don't give us biscuits for smoko {LaWMaN } "Get on with it" {minion 1}"Sorry, well I was looking at the microwave oven going around and around and around {minion 2 kicks minion 1} and arounnn "WHAT" why did you do that for I was telling a story" it went around 200 times more, Then I saw somthing...................... {minion 2} "What was it ?......... {minion 1} "It was a tea cake, it had pink icing on top" {minion 2} "Did you eat it"........... {minion 1} "Hell Yhea" any way there was something else or someone else there............ I didn't see it but it was there I know it was there or was it over there ? {minion 2} "what was it" {minion 1} " it looked like a bullet proof vest" Do you know the Evil Empire won't give us bullet proof vests NO we are just minions, no biscuits, no vests, no friggin pay rise" {minion 2} "Yhea or christmas bonus" {minion 1} "Any way the vest was doing the now you see me now you don't thingy, so I picked it up......... and then it started to beep so I hid it in the freezer, and was going to go back and get it that night. But then the Alarm for lockdown sounded so I ran to my meeting hall to find out what the lockdown was for, They said that it didn't concern me or the lower minions. So on the way back to my room I heard Mr Rabbit52 and Mr CoolHand20THVFW say they are going to launch the T-REX nuke on Lawnman. So I was sitting on the bed counting my pay for the week, Do you know I only get $2 a day mmm is that good" {minion 2} "WHAT" $2... I get $1.50 there ripping you off Dude. I have a friend of a friend of a friend that works part time at Mac'ers he make $15 a week and I only work on Mon Wed Sat oops" {minion 1} "Anyway next minute it all went black...... and I wake up here with this Dumbass. {minion 2} "who you calling a dumbass, you dumbass"{minion 1} Why I'll give you dumbass..... LaWMaN stands there watching the too minions fight and roll around on the ground, Cloak ON well looks like my trap worked just before the power pak ran out on the [MI CLOAK UNIT] and if this is what the Evil Empire is made up of we are safe for Now.................

[semmern]

A pathetic attempt! :tongue: :wink2:

[Sun Stealer]

Cloak ON well looks like my trap worked just before the power pak ran out on the [MI CLOAK UNIT] and if this is what the Evil Empire is made up of we are safe for Now.................
Muhahahaha! Looks like our robot minions are doing a good job of lulling the enemy into a false sense of security. Soon they will feel the true force of minion power.

Muhahahahahahahahaha!!

:gleam:
.

[CoolHand20TH]

yes yes they are...and since i have time to kill....i am putting all of my efforts for the next day or so...over here..LET THE EVIL BEGIN...MUHAHAHHHAHAA

[Sun Stealer]

I haven't been assigned a mission for a few weeks! Whats my next task? How shall I unleash my two weeks of evil?

Muha Muhaha Muhahahahahahahahaha!!

.

[CoolHand20TH]

well as the other Area 51 member..your task is to put terror into Area 51 and help control it for the Evil Empire

[Sun Stealer]

Right! Yes sir! It is time to unleash the full force of Minion power! :cussing: I feel the evil death blood boiling in my veins. Such death and destruction will never again be witnessed by mankind! :cussing: I shall rain terror and strike fear into all Area51 members...

...oh wait, its bedtime for me. Can I do it tomorrow? :red:

.

[CoolHand20TH]

ok..sun stealer..and all minions..we are going to unleash new weapons...more info to follow

[Uber_Olafsun]

ok..sun stealer..and all minions..we are going to unleash new weapons...more info to follow

New Toys???
:bounce:

Next month I get agumented crotch device (double hernia) Perhaps we can use it as a WMD?

[CoolHand20TH]

http://home.new.rr.com/baratono/Recruit-2-large.jpg


One of our recruitment posters!

[Sun Stealer]

Right, I've put the poster up in the local public toilets. I hope its taken in the right context.

.